Although I have not personally had to face my own death like this.., In the years after my Mother passed away I have certainly asked some of these questions. Even years ago as a new Christian and after being one for 6+ years, I did not have any solid answers for some of those questions. I almost rejected the faith all together because of the same thing this character is struggling with… ”some new age, God is love, one size fits all crap…” I wanted a God that was both merciful and just! It wasn’t until about 4 years ago I was exposed to Reformed theology, God’s grace and sovereignty, etc. that some of the answers were revealed.
“How could I have even hoped for forgiveness…” What a relief, to find out; “I am far worse than I could’ve imagined, but far more loved than I could’ve hoped for.”
